Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
