I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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