Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
