dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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