I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
