The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize