I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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