I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
