she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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