You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
