i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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