Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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