please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Is it penis luge time yet?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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