Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Rumble strips road head = magical
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
