Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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