He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
