Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
