God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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