Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
