i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
