I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize