Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
