I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
