Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I understand Curling. That high.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
