My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
