Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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