I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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