my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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