he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
