Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
