Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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