Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
