A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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