3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize