Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
