the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
