Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
