i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
