im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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