I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why do cheetos always look like penises
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
