Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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