Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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