AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
