Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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