btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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