Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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