AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
