Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize