i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Will exercising make me less horny?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
