I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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