You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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