You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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