How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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