it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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