when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
