There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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