It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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