My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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