why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
