I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
