She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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