insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
