Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just made my gag reflex go away.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
