were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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