My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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