dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
