Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
