the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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