She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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