is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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