none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
