Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
