if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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