Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
