my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
