Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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