I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
