I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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