I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
