I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
