why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
