She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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