She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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