I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
