Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
