We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
