A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
