White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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