I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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