You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
