I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize