Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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