think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
