he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
