Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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