She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
