dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
