I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
