I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Boobs speak an international language.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
