Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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