I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
