She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
