what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize